Happy to report that 11 days after major abdominal surgery (aka C-section), I am feeling great and recovering very nicely. This whole thing did not turn out the way I wanted or expected that's for sure, but I am grateful for being super healthy prior to the surgery with all the yoga, whole foods, positive outlook and general self-care which has made my recovery very rapid. I am off all pain medications including ibuprofen. The medication served its purpose, but now it is done. This makes me very happy.
Yes, it is tough...hormones still raging. Exhaustion like I have never known. I was so jealous of Jason sleeping soundly last night while I woke every 3 hours to pump. The pump schedule is 7-8 times a day around the clock, with one 4 hour period during the night. Our whole day revolves around this. So, the yoga for me is to continue to let go of all that I envisioned and just really find joy in what is right in front of me. So, now I have found joy with pumping and it came in the form of a hands-free bustier. The difference is HUGE. I can read. I can take a sip of water or tea, I can make calls or type an email. This is my joy.
Being a yogi is not about always getting what you want...but how you deal with what you have...what is right in front of you. My reality is shifting. The 'immediately after birth, skin to skin bonding' that I so desperately wanted and still crave with my little boy is on hold. Patience. Acceptance. Our bonding looks different and will adjust as he grows. Patience. Acceptance. So, I have a choice...to be negative and miserable or to remain positive and joyful. I consciously choose the latter. Now, this is no easy task. Yes, I have my dark moments, days and nights (read yesterday's post-Days of Many and you will see what I mean). Or like this morning as I contemplate how to get the rest I need and move past the frustration,of interrupted sleep every night and try not to be jealous of hubby getting to sleep through the night...resisting the urge to turn on all the lights with some very loud music while jumping up and down on the bed...yep, it does cross my mind...love you baby!. I know that having a baby at home would be the same in the sleep department but it would be to nurse my baby, not to hook up to a machine...big difference. But, despite all this..I am happy. I am so in love with this little guy...I would do anything for him. I am so in love with all our family and friends...you make this so bearable for us. So, I must do the best I can...take care of myself...keep venting on the blog...receiving all the love from friends and family...and just take it one day at at time...one breath at time...inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale...now, that's better.
Hey Sunshine....so nice to see that you are feeling better today. Your outlook is amazing, as are you, Jason and Clark. I love his little pix this a.m. (1:30 pm here). He looks like he is developing perfectly. I understand how difficult it must be for you and Jason not to be able to just pick him up and hold him close, but when this is done, you're gonna have to beat everyone off with a huge stick 'cause there will be a line sooooo looooong of those who also want to hold him!! I'm glad I live here, because I would be pushing and shoving to be at the head of that line!!! Uh, on second thought, "Otis' Nana" will probably have a tazer (sp) to zap me to the back of line so she can be the first......only fair! I'll wait my turn! Again, sweet thing, I'm glad you're a feeling better today! ILY
ReplyDeleteI'm thrilled, touched and happy all at once that you and Jason are able to share your challenges with the rest of us. It is such a sweet thing to do. I wrote a blog entry about your blog-just a quickie here:
ReplyDeleteLIFE IS A MIRACLE
"I've been reading a great blog on the birth of a baby-one born a bit too soon into the world but ready to fight to live. I don't know the parents personally. The parents are both professionals at what they do. I've been keeping up with them for several years now. I think I have seen other blogs about premature babies, but this one is a good read.
Life is very fragile. We take it for granted. There are so many good things in life and it is touching when others want to share their story with many others. Maybe it will help people in a similar situation. Tests make you stronger, bolder, more loving, patient. You should try it. No, I'm not perfect, but through my own tests and trials, it has definitely made me stronger and more confident in myself. If we can just believe that and be convinced we have a place in this world and we matter, life would be a little easier. Take care! :)"
by the time your baby is home you will be so ready for his early morning feedings because you are in training for it now with this routine that you are going through....the only thing missing is the baby crying when he wants to be fed BUT what woman doesn't need a good cry now and again! so feel free to do that right in your sleeping hubbys ear so he too will get use to the baby being home......love you XOXOXO ~:o)
ReplyDeleteOh, honey! I missed all of this! I was sitting here knitting for your little one and thought I should know when your due date was so I could gauge the size,and then I found this! So happy for you and Jason and your little Clark. I'm sending you all love and encouragement. (And I'm looking for TINY knitting needles.
ReplyDeleteMary Ellen
Somehow, I imagine that Jason wouldn't mind being awakened just to be there if you needed him to be a part of the nighttime pumping. Don't worry about the "dark moments" they are natural and you are not in control of those hormones!! They have a mind of their own! Stay well and hold each other, Clark knows he is part of the hugs and kisses! Soon he will be right there with you and Jason. He will giggle and laugh and all these tough times will become miniscule in the big picture. Love to all of you.
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