Today is a good day!

What day is it? What time is it? Have I pumped recently? Did I take medicine recently? Ouch...I just had major surgery. Nurse checks vitals. Collect milk. Go see our little boy. Crash for a couple of hours. Eat. Cry. Laugh. Sleep. Try to blog and pass out in the middle of it due to medication combined with extreme exhaustion. Repeat. Now you are all caught up on my world for the past few days. It has been a whirlwind to say the least. Then add, Social Workers, Breast Pump Rentals, Insurance, Paperwork...it is madness over here. Oh and to top it all off...I had a MAJOR allergic to something they gave me here...my lips and eyes swelled to an unbelievable size and I was pretty much covered in hives. We decided to stop all medications (expect pain meds-see below) and fortunately, today is much better. Lots and lots of fluids to flush out whatever it was...talk about just being in the moment...just taking it a breath at a time and trying not to spiral into frustration and discomfort and confusion...

Any of you who know me, know that I am as natural as I can be and use food and herbs as my medicine. I am not a fan of pharmaceuticals at all...HOWEVER, if you ever have major abdominal surgery...I would not recommend trying to get off the meds as fast as possible. It just ain't smart. Yep, I tried to be a hero and not take pain killers...lesson learned. In Sanskrit, the word that comes to mind is Viveka...or discernment. I have discerned that pain killers serve a purpose and when used wisely are extremely helpful. Moving on!

As much as it is hard to see our little sweetheart hooked up to so many lines...and as much as people want to keep us prepared for 'the worst case scenario'...Clark is doing great and we are deliriously happy. Our hearts ache for this little guy. He is such a rock star and putting up such a good fight. He loves it when we are there...holding him, talking to him, reassuring him...you can see it...he just gets so relaxed and holds our pinkies tight. We got to hold him again yesterday on our chests...both Jason and I!! It was sheer bliss...feeling his heartbeat and warmth and him feeling ours. They encourage once we have held him to take the blanket we used, wrap it around my shoulders and go pump asap. It is amazing how much comes out after I have held him. Simply Divine...

Today is a good day! I am getting discharged....which means, tonight, I sleep in my own bed...hallelujah! So, the deal is...they say to plan for Clark to be here at least until his original due date of June 4th...minimum. SO, we have a long road ahead of us...but we are making a conscious choice on how we are responding to this...and it is with absolute positivity, humor, courage, acceptance and love. And it is working. Jason and I are really seeing what it means to live day to day, letting go of so much of the need to do...and focusing on just being. Being with our little boy...talking to him, changing his diaper, holding him, just looking at him, crying over his sheer beauty.

The nurses and doctors try not to give too much encouragement (always balancing the good with the bad) because it is so unpredictable with little preemies...but they all quietly lean in and say he is doing amazing...that he is a fighter and his progress is not the norm...that's our boy! Oh...and get this...he is breathing on his on with just a little nostril support (and he has that only in case he forgets to breath)...but they actually said..."it's weird...he's breathing a little too good...we never see this." Must have been all that pranayama we did together the first 25 weeks in my womb! My little yogi knows how to access his life force...mama taught him how :)