Let's see...I just had major surgery...my hormones are kickin' from the birth...Sunday night was my first night home in 10 days...I am operating on so little sleep that I have no concept of days/times...only 3 hour intervals of pumping...I am on some pretty heavy pain medication...AND we have a tiny little premature baby that is not quite 26 weeks old...so, that's why I want to cry all day and night....oh, right!
Besides that...we're doing great...and I'm not being sarcastic ...we really are. One look at that big ole' soul trapped in that tiny little body and every singe bit of it falls away. How can someone so small give us so much energy and life? Every bit of tired...every bit of pain...every bit of worry...it all dissolves when we look at him.
When he was first born, Jason and I did a meditation that was to focus a chosen color of light (me-golden, Jason-red) and send it full power straight from our heart to his. We established what we have come to call 'heart beams'. It is our eternal link to our son. We stand on either side of his incubator and with laser beam focus, send our light straight into his heart. Then, we feel it come straight back to us. We tell him how that light is activated 24/7, no matter where we are. When he is afraid or confused or lonely...all he has to do is go to his heart and we will be there and we can do the same. This has been such a source of comfort for us when we are away from him. Either Jason or I will break down...and all the other has to say is "heart beams" and we close our eyes and turn it up full force. Amazing what that does to get us to the next moment. The closer we get to him, the stronger it is (although it is always going)...but we actually feel like we are being tugged towards him...we know, without a doubt, he feels it too.
If you are called to and it is joyful for you...you can do a little meditation of your own healing light and color...and send it straight to our little boy...we will be able to access it through him...connecting us all through heart beams...
Speaking of the next moment...Jason and I are really, truly...I mean on a deep, deep level...like, I am super serious...getting what it means to just be...and don't get me wrong, we have a great life and are so grateful and love every minute of it...but all the things we felt we had 'to do' in a day to feel some sense of accomplishment are so far in the background...really, this is all we have....right here, right now...and one glimpse of our son...one hold...one diaper change...one little bitty stretch of his tiny little arm...there is nothing in the world that can replace those moments and so we cherish them...with all our hearts...staring at our little boy for hours...it is sheer bliss-Ananda. Complete absorption-Samadhi. This is yoga...this is us surrendering...this is us loving...heart beams...heart beams...heart beams...
Dear Christy. For one so tired and hormonal, you write beautifully. My sincere congratulations to you and Jason on the birth of your son. Your individual accounts of this phenomenal time move me to tears.
ReplyDeleteBeleive me... I am beaming.
With much love to the three of you.
Linda Gallagher xxxxxxx
I know you both know I carry your heart in my heart, yesterday, today and always that is a force the kept me going at difficult times and always brought me comfort. My heart beam(chakra) for Clark is amber a color combination of you both with a touch of bronze. I will send him this heart beam every time I think of him and that is every minute of the day and every breath I take. XOXOXO
ReplyDeleteI'm sending my heart beams to your beautiful boy, and thinking what an incredible family you three are! I love you all dearly and will be thinking of you often as you experience so many miracles. Thank you for sharing these moments with all of us, it is precious and inspiring to me.
ReplyDeleteMy heart beams sent to Clark are white!!! The color of the love that God and Goddess have for each other...the color of love that Clark's parents have for each other. The color of protection, warmth and all-encompassing compassion...
ReplyDelete~Dana
Our little Clark, my heart beams are sent to you in droves! Mine are shades of bronze and copper because of all the love and warmth included within. Remember the term, "heart sounds?" Somewhere in the back of my mind, I believe that phrase is from ET? I could be wrong, but in any case, I am also sending my 'heart sounds' to you. They are loud and clear and full of love and light. My heart sounds and heart beams are going out to you, Christy, and Jason every moment. I hope you all can feel and hear how much you are all loved.
ReplyDeleteOkay, what can I say! Last night at 2:15 am I remembered that the phrase was "heartlight" and the song was by Neil Diamond. Well, my heartlight is beaming bright and being sent to all of you.
ReplyDeleteoh guys...every time I check in and read your posts I just start crying!! I am feeling all that love!! I sent Clark a beautiful, sky blue color "love beam" for peace and loads of sunny, clear skied days ahead!! Wow Wow Wow you guys!!!! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI am sending heat beams of purple and Gia is sending heart beams of pink, she close that color just for him and I truly think Clark will be ok with that. (I asked for aqua as I know you love purple and aqua Christy, but Gia was insistent on pink because she loves it and she said she is sending love so she should send the color she loves, makes perfect sense to me). Much love to you all~xoxo
ReplyDelete...a rich cerulean blue with sparkling pearl through the center... this is the color of a peaceful strength, of healing, of patient evolution, of knowing that calms the mind, of being exactly where one is supposed to be. It was gifted to me by The Divine and I use it often in my life and in my work. I am receiving it into my heart from all around and above me as always and sending it from my heart to Clark's. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing from your heart. Sweet Marsdens I am sending green heart beams for continued health & help & healing.
ReplyDeleteThe little fella, awww. He's got a mask on his eyes. Better sleep, ya know!
ReplyDelete