(Daddy had to take the picture, hence, NOT in the picture
making meatballs.
In the backyard with Mommy. Doin' some yoga!
'Uncle' Alex came to visit! They regarded each other with
much excitement!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Memorial Weekend Fun
Hanging out in the kitchen while Daddy makes meatballs.
(Daddy had to take the picture, hence, NOT in the picture
making meatballs.
In the backyard with Mommy. Doin' some yoga!
'Uncle' Alex came to visit! They regarded each other with
much excitement!
(Daddy had to take the picture, hence, NOT in the picture
making meatballs.
In the backyard with Mommy. Doin' some yoga!
'Uncle' Alex came to visit! They regarded each other with
much excitement!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Favorites, by Daddy
3:15am...yay! Got some sleep in...target word, "some"...but feeling refreshed nonetheless. Clark sits in front of me, in his car seat, deciding if he wants to finish his bottle or fall back asleep. Very indecisive is he right now.
Nearly two weeks of at-home-parenthood and all is groovy! I mean, talk about 'letting go'. Every waking moment is dedicated to him. Sometimes we get lost, staring into his face, and it truly feels as though our hearts are going to burst from our chests and splatter pink and red glitter love sparkles all over the freakin' place!
For the most part, Clark is really pretty chill. If he fusses at all, it's the usual reflux or pushing from the tushin'. One of my favorite moments is when he's fully awake and so alert, grabbing at the air, his eyes wide with an expression of 'Alright! So what's next?!' It's like he's soaking in information. Or shooting out the excitement of being alive. Both perhaps.
Some days, he is pretty wiped and would rather doze than eat his full feeds. Others...he's insatiable. Sucking down a bottle then demanding more. And by 'demand', I mean, continuing to suck (on air), or (one of my other favorites) if I'm burping him over my shoulder he'll repeatedly face plant my neck searching for a nipple that isn't there. Sooooo cute!
He seems to like car rides. He's taken three so far (not counting the trip home from the NICU) and pretty much stays asleep throughout. He loves his walks around the neighborhood. Pretty much digs being in his car seat...which is why he's in there right now...on top of our coffee table in the living room, next to the laptop from which I am typing to you at this moment.
I'd have to say my absolute favorite thing...is holding him. Any chance I get! Whether just carrying him around the house, or feeding him, or on my chest, curled up in a little ball, safe and asleep.
No wait! I also love kissing him! His neck, his cheeks, his forehead, his dome, his belly...oh dear, I'm so gay for this little dude!
Wait! Pickin' out outfits for him! I'll admit it...I had me a Barbie as a little boy. (Sniff, snort) Also GI Joes and Transformers (spit), so don't go judgin'. Albeit, she spent most of her time naked with Ken, but yes, I do love dressing him up! He's got so many freakin' clothes (thanks everybody). Most are pretty big, but I get so excited to see a drawer full of outfits that we have to look forward to!
Hold on...another fave. The moment when he fusses really hard, then watching his expression change as a nipple is finally introduced to his mouth. It's kind of like when you're talking shit about someone then that person walks in the room and you instantly change your tone to 'happy to see them'. One second, he's pissed...then "Heeeeyyyy, what's up nipple?!"
Oh, man, I think there are wayyy to many faves to list here right now. So I'll just conclude with my absolute, 100%, non-negotiable, too true, the jaws-of-life-will-be-needed-to-change-my-mind, fave...
...this guy.
Nearly two weeks of at-home-parenthood and all is groovy! I mean, talk about 'letting go'. Every waking moment is dedicated to him. Sometimes we get lost, staring into his face, and it truly feels as though our hearts are going to burst from our chests and splatter pink and red glitter love sparkles all over the freakin' place!
For the most part, Clark is really pretty chill. If he fusses at all, it's the usual reflux or pushing from the tushin'. One of my favorite moments is when he's fully awake and so alert, grabbing at the air, his eyes wide with an expression of 'Alright! So what's next?!' It's like he's soaking in information. Or shooting out the excitement of being alive. Both perhaps.
Some days, he is pretty wiped and would rather doze than eat his full feeds. Others...he's insatiable. Sucking down a bottle then demanding more. And by 'demand', I mean, continuing to suck (on air), or (one of my other favorites) if I'm burping him over my shoulder he'll repeatedly face plant my neck searching for a nipple that isn't there. Sooooo cute!
He seems to like car rides. He's taken three so far (not counting the trip home from the NICU) and pretty much stays asleep throughout. He loves his walks around the neighborhood. Pretty much digs being in his car seat...which is why he's in there right now...on top of our coffee table in the living room, next to the laptop from which I am typing to you at this moment.
I'd have to say my absolute favorite thing...is holding him. Any chance I get! Whether just carrying him around the house, or feeding him, or on my chest, curled up in a little ball, safe and asleep.
No wait! I also love kissing him! His neck, his cheeks, his forehead, his dome, his belly...oh dear, I'm so gay for this little dude!
Wait! Pickin' out outfits for him! I'll admit it...I had me a Barbie as a little boy. (Sniff, snort) Also GI Joes and Transformers (spit), so don't go judgin'. Albeit, she spent most of her time naked with Ken, but yes, I do love dressing him up! He's got so many freakin' clothes (thanks everybody). Most are pretty big, but I get so excited to see a drawer full of outfits that we have to look forward to!
Hold on...another fave. The moment when he fusses really hard, then watching his expression change as a nipple is finally introduced to his mouth. It's kind of like when you're talking shit about someone then that person walks in the room and you instantly change your tone to 'happy to see them'. One second, he's pissed...then "Heeeeyyyy, what's up nipple?!"
Oh, man, I think there are wayyy to many faves to list here right now. So I'll just conclude with my absolute, 100%, non-negotiable, too true, the jaws-of-life-will-be-needed-to-change-my-mind, fave...
...this guy.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Loving Life...
Clark having his supervised tummy time while I do yoga...
It is important for his development and because of his reflux he does SO much better on his belly but it is a no no for sleeping unsupervised...
He spends the first 15 minutes trying to roll over...then gives up and gets some of his best sleeping done. I am pretty sure he will accomplish rolling over very soon...he is so close. While doing said belly time, I do my yoga practice with intermittent kisses on my son's forehead. I am connecting to something deeper than I have ever known. The love I feel for our son...for the whole world really...I have burst into tears on so many occasions at the overwhelming love I feel for him...at the road he has traveled...at the road we have all traveled...at life itself...at the sheer wonder of miracles...
I sit and hold him and nurse him and hold him and feed him and stare at him and hold him and kiss him and sing to him and talk to him....and repeat...all day and night...it is absolute bliss...
And Jason does the same (minus the nursing part-although Clark sure tries to nurse on his Daddy's bicep or cheek or neck quite often)...it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...
Bath time is so special...the past 2 times, we have set up his little tubs in front of the fireplace with his towel warming in the dryer...we give him an all over wash...wrap him up in his blanket...then a nice hair wash with scalp massage...and then we give him an all over body massage with warmed up coconut oil....he loves it! Wouldn't you???
Ahhhhhhhhhh....he's home...he's safe...he's happy...we're happy...we're a family...at last...
It is important for his development and because of his reflux he does SO much better on his belly but it is a no no for sleeping unsupervised...He spends the first 15 minutes trying to roll over...then gives up and gets some of his best sleeping done. I am pretty sure he will accomplish rolling over very soon...he is so close. While doing said belly time, I do my yoga practice with intermittent kisses on my son's forehead. I am connecting to something deeper than I have ever known. The love I feel for our son...for the whole world really...I have burst into tears on so many occasions at the overwhelming love I feel for him...at the road he has traveled...at the road we have all traveled...at life itself...at the sheer wonder of miracles...
I sit and hold him and nurse him and hold him and feed him and stare at him and hold him and kiss him and sing to him and talk to him....and repeat...all day and night...it is absolute bliss...
And Jason does the same (minus the nursing part-although Clark sure tries to nurse on his Daddy's bicep or cheek or neck quite often)...it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...
Bath time is so special...the past 2 times, we have set up his little tubs in front of the fireplace with his towel warming in the dryer...we give him an all over wash...wrap him up in his blanket...then a nice hair wash with scalp massage...and then we give him an all over body massage with warmed up coconut oil....he loves it! Wouldn't you???
Ahhhhhhhhhh....he's home...he's safe...he's happy...we're happy...we're a family...at last...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
First Few Days of Clark...at Home!
While COC (yikes), er, Chronicles of Clark has been on a week 'hiatus', I'm sure you, our humble readers, are anxious for the unfolding of what has been happening 'behind the scenes'.
The discharge from Cedars was surreal. A giddy morning only to be punctuated with several exclamation points of happiness, glee, warmth, and bliss! There are pics along with a complete unfolding...Christy's workin' on it. The ending looked something like this.
So, did anyone ever tell you that when you have a baby, you sleep a lot less? Why didn't anyone tell us?! What a dirty trick. So, here I am, as I type this sentence, it's 4:16am. I just mercifully took a Clark Shift for Christy (I swear I heard a bit of begging in her voice). Clark had to be literally PRIED from her boob, so I could change him and feed him and Christy could get some much needed shut eye. He was really ornery, fussing lots as I changed his diaper, then sucked down a whopping big bottle in record time. I placed him on my shoulder, bounced him about, and took him downstairs to watch me eat some chocolate banana cream pie (thanks Barb and Don!)! Mmmm, late night snacks rock!
Clark is truly thriving. Getting stronger and more willful by the day. Today was a great day!
Monday night was a learning curve for sure. Where do we put the changing table? Do we need to feed him now? You wanna hold him? Organizing. Agonizing. Exercising (well, not that...just needed another 'ising'). In fact, Monday is kind of a blur, let's just skip to...
Tuesday. Wow, first day at home with the bobbin! No wires! No restrictions! No poop. Oh dear. No worries. Though Clark had been having 'issues' in that department, he seemed comfortable. So we spent the day introducing him to every nook in the house and feverishly organizing. Fitting every area in the house with a 'changing area', complete with a supply of diapers, butt balm, burp cloths and other necessities. That evening Christy and I bathed him, massaged his little body with coconut oil and whisked him to bed.
Wednesday...morning...EARLY morning! Dude loves to eat and loves to be held and loves to tell us so! Christy and I juggled shifts, but she took the late night brunt as I had to work in the morning in Santa Monica. Clark had his first Drs appointment that afternoon where he received an A+ for health! The car ride home was long (traffic), but Clark did nary a complaint.
Thursday. Getting used to getting up at the crack. I had another busy day. Audition in the morning, recording session in the afternoon.
It was beautiful outside and Christy set up Clark in the back yard to soak up some rays and some semi-fresh, Los Angeles air. I couldn't help but swing home between appointments to see him enjoying real live nature!
That night though...was rough. No poop still. Clark let out agonizing screams of discomfort as Christy and I could only look on, helpless. Even after a suppository, rectal stimulation, leg exercises...nothing.
Friday. Wow. Really. Freakin'. Tired. Had me an early AM, four hour, recording session, which was followed by another audition in the late afternoon. Instead of coming back home to visit, I stayed out and ran errands. Boy did I miss him! I had called Christy to check on him and could hear him coo and fuss over the phone! I uttered: "Hey buddy!" Thus establishing my first father-son phone call!
Picked up a Snap and Go stroller as part of my errand-running, so when I got home, we took Clark on a first time tour of his neighborhood. With Molly on leash, Christy and I, beaming, as we pushed Clark around our 'burb, as PARENTS! Rock!
By the way...that afternoon...he pooped! Twice! Yay! And again today. Looks like we might have to cancel that GI Doctor's appointment after all! THAT was a relief.
So those are just some tid bits. I've already ranted long enough. To summarize, having Clark home is so much more than awesome! Parenthood is supremely fulfilling and so very tiring, but I can honestly tell you, readers, it's the easiest hardest job I've ever done.
More to come!
The discharge from Cedars was surreal. A giddy morning only to be punctuated with several exclamation points of happiness, glee, warmth, and bliss! There are pics along with a complete unfolding...Christy's workin' on it. The ending looked something like this.
So, did anyone ever tell you that when you have a baby, you sleep a lot less? Why didn't anyone tell us?! What a dirty trick. So, here I am, as I type this sentence, it's 4:16am. I just mercifully took a Clark Shift for Christy (I swear I heard a bit of begging in her voice). Clark had to be literally PRIED from her boob, so I could change him and feed him and Christy could get some much needed shut eye. He was really ornery, fussing lots as I changed his diaper, then sucked down a whopping big bottle in record time. I placed him on my shoulder, bounced him about, and took him downstairs to watch me eat some chocolate banana cream pie (thanks Barb and Don!)! Mmmm, late night snacks rock!
Clark is truly thriving. Getting stronger and more willful by the day. Today was a great day!
Monday night was a learning curve for sure. Where do we put the changing table? Do we need to feed him now? You wanna hold him? Organizing. Agonizing. Exercising (well, not that...just needed another 'ising'). In fact, Monday is kind of a blur, let's just skip to...
Tuesday. Wow, first day at home with the bobbin! No wires! No restrictions! No poop. Oh dear. No worries. Though Clark had been having 'issues' in that department, he seemed comfortable. So we spent the day introducing him to every nook in the house and feverishly organizing. Fitting every area in the house with a 'changing area', complete with a supply of diapers, butt balm, burp cloths and other necessities. That evening Christy and I bathed him, massaged his little body with coconut oil and whisked him to bed.
Wednesday...morning...EARLY morning! Dude loves to eat and loves to be held and loves to tell us so! Christy and I juggled shifts, but she took the late night brunt as I had to work in the morning in Santa Monica. Clark had his first Drs appointment that afternoon where he received an A+ for health! The car ride home was long (traffic), but Clark did nary a complaint.
Thursday. Getting used to getting up at the crack. I had another busy day. Audition in the morning, recording session in the afternoon.
It was beautiful outside and Christy set up Clark in the back yard to soak up some rays and some semi-fresh, Los Angeles air. I couldn't help but swing home between appointments to see him enjoying real live nature!That night though...was rough. No poop still. Clark let out agonizing screams of discomfort as Christy and I could only look on, helpless. Even after a suppository, rectal stimulation, leg exercises...nothing.
Friday. Wow. Really. Freakin'. Tired. Had me an early AM, four hour, recording session, which was followed by another audition in the late afternoon. Instead of coming back home to visit, I stayed out and ran errands. Boy did I miss him! I had called Christy to check on him and could hear him coo and fuss over the phone! I uttered: "Hey buddy!" Thus establishing my first father-son phone call!
Picked up a Snap and Go stroller as part of my errand-running, so when I got home, we took Clark on a first time tour of his neighborhood. With Molly on leash, Christy and I, beaming, as we pushed Clark around our 'burb, as PARENTS! Rock!
By the way...that afternoon...he pooped! Twice! Yay! And again today. Looks like we might have to cancel that GI Doctor's appointment after all! THAT was a relief.
So those are just some tid bits. I've already ranted long enough. To summarize, having Clark home is so much more than awesome! Parenthood is supremely fulfilling and so very tiring, but I can honestly tell you, readers, it's the easiest hardest job I've ever done.
More to come!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Clark's doing awesome!
It is so good to have him home...he is LOVING his new set up...and he figured out pretty quick what it takes to be picked up...and he is working it!!!
We are all sooooo happy together...at last...
Still working on our discharge montage...but we kind of have our hands full!
Stay tuned...
We are all sooooo happy together...at last...
Still working on our discharge montage...but we kind of have our hands full!
Stay tuned...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Clark's first outing...
Still working on the departure day post with some AMAZING photos by Nicole...but in the meantime...just wanted to give a quick update...
Clark had his 48 hour check up today and he did so good on his first outing. He is officially 6 lbs! He has gained 2 ounces since he discharge on Monday. He is now 19 inches long and is doing great...still trying to figure out the poop thing...but he'll get there...
He was tuckered out after his big day...and daddy was too...
Clark had his 48 hour check up today and he did so good on his first outing. He is officially 6 lbs! He has gained 2 ounces since he discharge on Monday. He is now 19 inches long and is doing great...still trying to figure out the poop thing...but he'll get there...
He was tuckered out after his big day...and daddy was too...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
1st Day Home
Hiya kids!
First, thanks to all you guys for following along, for your heartfelt comments, support, and heartbeams. Because of you, this odyssey seemed a little more tolerable and a little less epic. Posts might be fewer these next few days (weeks), but keep tuning in...this is only the beginning.
Second, I'm typing with one hand (rather impressively I might add), so gonna make this short.
Clark, Christy, and myself are doing pretty freakin' awesome!
Discharge pics, a new video, and much more to come!
xo
First, thanks to all you guys for following along, for your heartfelt comments, support, and heartbeams. Because of you, this odyssey seemed a little more tolerable and a little less epic. Posts might be fewer these next few days (weeks), but keep tuning in...this is only the beginning.
Second, I'm typing with one hand (rather impressively I might add), so gonna make this short.
Clark, Christy, and myself are doing pretty freakin' awesome!
Discharge pics, a new video, and much more to come!
xo
Monday, May 17, 2010
We're home!
Home sweet home...
We don't have to leave our son tonight...
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY LOVE LOVE FREEDOM FREEDOM!!!!
Here he is content in his cradle (thanks Michele and Alfie for the cradle borrow) right by our bed...no leads, no monitors...just our beautiful baby boy...
Sweet Dreams...Sweet Sweet Dreams....
We don't have to leave our son tonight...
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY LOVE LOVE FREEDOM FREEDOM!!!!
Here he is content in his cradle (thanks Michele and Alfie for the cradle borrow) right by our bed...no leads, no monitors...just our beautiful baby boy...
Sweet Dreams...Sweet Sweet Dreams....
Here it is..
Today...Clark is 3 months old. Today...for his birthday...our little boy is coming home with us...
After 89 days in the NeoNatal Intensive Care Unit...Clark Otis Marsden is coming home...
Imagine after all this time...we get to go to sleep and wake up with our son in the cradle next to us...
We have prayed for this moment for 3 months...
There are no words...
We will keep you updated...our dear friend Nicole will be documenting our departure from the NICU into our home, so that we can just enjoy the moment...we will be sure to share once we get settled!
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
After 89 days in the NeoNatal Intensive Care Unit...Clark Otis Marsden is coming home...
Imagine after all this time...we get to go to sleep and wake up with our son in the cradle next to us...
We have prayed for this moment for 3 months...
There are no words...
We will keep you updated...our dear friend Nicole will be documenting our departure from the NICU into our home, so that we can just enjoy the moment...we will be sure to share once we get settled!
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
Any day now...
That is what we have been told...
any day now...
maybe even today...
our son...little Clark will finally be home with us...
he is doing great...feeding like a champ...5lbs 14oz...chubby cheeks and a double chin...SO CUTE...and a personality to boot...
any day now...
any day now...
maybe even today...
our son...little Clark will finally be home with us...
he is doing great...feeding like a champ...5lbs 14oz...chubby cheeks and a double chin...SO CUTE...and a personality to boot...
any day now...
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Random thoughts...
So, we are here at the hospital where we spend 6-8 hours a day every day...we are very fortunate to be able to be here with Clark so much. Jason works, but always comes here before or after. I started working just a couple of weeks after being discharged from the hospital when Clark was born. I wanted to finish the 200 hour yoga teacher training that I had started before my water broke, which, as of May 2nd, is now complete. I had the honor and privilege of guiding 16 beautiful women on their journey to becoming fantastic teachers. I love what I do and worked so hard for years to be able to do it full time. For Jason and I to get to come here and be with Clark pretty much all day every day has been such a blessing and we know has contributed to his amazing progress. Of course, he is a fighter, a champion, a warrior...but we have been here to cheer him on, shower him with affection and love and give him all the positive vibes we have to help him succeed on his journey. It has been full of emotions I never knew existed. And now here we are...just days away from him coming home with us...so that we can really feel like a family. I am so ready to have that time...just the 3 of us...
All the years of hard work have definitely paid off. The studio was a dream that took 8 years to fulfill...and now here we are 5 years later and it is everything I ever dreamed of and more. I have the most amazing staff any employer could want...those of you that know them...know exactly what I am talking about. And the students are the most loving, open people you will ever meet (you all know who you are :) Last night, I was talking to a student and he said, 'you didn't create a studio...you created a family.' That was the biggest compliment. Because we are a family...a family of people helping each other to create a life filled with honesty, kindness, joy, acceptance, love and all the wonderful things we imagine life to be...what is possible. To be here where we are now and to receive the love pouring in from all directions is so humbling and we are so very grateful...there are no words to express what we are witnessing...it is the ultimate yoga for sure...one big family...
I had thought about going back to teach on May 3rd...but decided that what I needed was time to be with Clark at the hospital without any obligations. To wake and sleep as needed and just be here with him. But I do miss teaching...I miss my staff...I miss the students...I miss Yoga Blend. But I do plan to be back July 1st. Once we get Clark home and have some time to really bond with him...I am excited to get back to doing what I love so much.
A lot of people think yoga is a spiritual form of gymnastics...but for me it is so much more...it has given me the ability to find joy, despite the obstacles. To focus my mind towards what I want to be thinking about and doing rather than being controlled by the mind and its tendencies towards misperception. To be real and show life as it is rather than what we wish it to be. To take responsibility for our own thoughts, our own actions, or own life. You see, it is up to us. As Ghandi said...'Be the change you seek.' This experience has definitely been one giant obstacle to say the least. But we have a choice on how we deal with the obstacle. Do we fall into being the victim? Do we wallow in self-pity? What about grief? Do we project our anger onto others? Do we get consumed by fear spiraling us into a deep, dark place? Do we give up and stop fighting just because it doesn't work out they way we wanted? These are all choices....and once you make the choice towards joy...it is WORK. If it was easy, the whole world would live in peace. Only the brave stand up and take charge of their experience. The only person in the whole entire world you can make happy is yourself. When I realized this, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and the work became manageable. And it is worth every effort...every time...always!
I feel so deeply connected to everyone, no matter where we are physically. I feel so much love coming to us in the form of food, gifts, help with our little doggie, calls, emails, thoughts, prayers, cards. THANK YOU! Regardless if we have every met, we are all truly connected and I thank Clark for reminding us all of that in such a profound way. Is the argument from the past really worth it? What about someone complaining about everything little thing? What about talking negatively about someone? Does it make you feel good? How about looking inside instead? What is really important to me? To you? To us all? In the end, really, deeply, don't we all just want to be loved?
That's my Saturday rant...and I'm sticking to it!
All the years of hard work have definitely paid off. The studio was a dream that took 8 years to fulfill...and now here we are 5 years later and it is everything I ever dreamed of and more. I have the most amazing staff any employer could want...those of you that know them...know exactly what I am talking about. And the students are the most loving, open people you will ever meet (you all know who you are :) Last night, I was talking to a student and he said, 'you didn't create a studio...you created a family.' That was the biggest compliment. Because we are a family...a family of people helping each other to create a life filled with honesty, kindness, joy, acceptance, love and all the wonderful things we imagine life to be...what is possible. To be here where we are now and to receive the love pouring in from all directions is so humbling and we are so very grateful...there are no words to express what we are witnessing...it is the ultimate yoga for sure...one big family...
I had thought about going back to teach on May 3rd...but decided that what I needed was time to be with Clark at the hospital without any obligations. To wake and sleep as needed and just be here with him. But I do miss teaching...I miss my staff...I miss the students...I miss Yoga Blend. But I do plan to be back July 1st. Once we get Clark home and have some time to really bond with him...I am excited to get back to doing what I love so much.
A lot of people think yoga is a spiritual form of gymnastics...but for me it is so much more...it has given me the ability to find joy, despite the obstacles. To focus my mind towards what I want to be thinking about and doing rather than being controlled by the mind and its tendencies towards misperception. To be real and show life as it is rather than what we wish it to be. To take responsibility for our own thoughts, our own actions, or own life. You see, it is up to us. As Ghandi said...'Be the change you seek.' This experience has definitely been one giant obstacle to say the least. But we have a choice on how we deal with the obstacle. Do we fall into being the victim? Do we wallow in self-pity? What about grief? Do we project our anger onto others? Do we get consumed by fear spiraling us into a deep, dark place? Do we give up and stop fighting just because it doesn't work out they way we wanted? These are all choices....and once you make the choice towards joy...it is WORK. If it was easy, the whole world would live in peace. Only the brave stand up and take charge of their experience. The only person in the whole entire world you can make happy is yourself. When I realized this, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and the work became manageable. And it is worth every effort...every time...always!
I feel so deeply connected to everyone, no matter where we are physically. I feel so much love coming to us in the form of food, gifts, help with our little doggie, calls, emails, thoughts, prayers, cards. THANK YOU! Regardless if we have every met, we are all truly connected and I thank Clark for reminding us all of that in such a profound way. Is the argument from the past really worth it? What about someone complaining about everything little thing? What about talking negatively about someone? Does it make you feel good? How about looking inside instead? What is really important to me? To you? To us all? In the end, really, deeply, don't we all just want to be loved?
That's my Saturday rant...and I'm sticking to it!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Not quite...
Clark was supposed to be going home tomorrow but due to episodes described below, his departure has been put on hold through the weekend at the very least...however, we already had an appointment to have him fitted into his car seat today so we went ahead and did it...hopeful that he will be going home next week...
PATIENCE!
wow...did I just yell that????
PATIENCE!
wow...did I just yell that????
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Count Down...Paused
Yes, as most of you have just read, Clark had an unfortunate bout of constipation that is giving the docs pause for concern. The official word is...not coming home this weekend.
S'okay, kids. Save your 'poor Jason and Christy' comments for another day. We are disappointed, of course, but more like a kid being disappointed to hear that his ball game was rained out. The clouds will part, the air will be fresher, and at that time, we will play ball again!
Fact is, Clark is still doing amazing. As you can see, he's snuggling up to a photo of Daddy, happy, snug, and (EMPTY).
Monday. Monday might be a good day???
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
We might have spoke too soon....
We will see how the next couple of days go...but little Clark had a rough day today....which might have set him back a couple of days...
Pretty much had to do with not pooping for a couple of days which caused his belly to distend resulting in lots of episodes (bradies and dsats), a couple of skipped meals and weight loss...
Keeping our spirits up...
Pretty much had to do with not pooping for a couple of days which caused his belly to distend resulting in lots of episodes (bradies and dsats), a couple of skipped meals and weight loss...
Keeping our spirits up...
Monday, May 10, 2010
And The Count Down...BEGINS!
Well kids, every day is one day closer to home. When that day actually is, is still in the guestimating. Basically, when Clark can suck down 8 bottles with no episodes (bradys, apneas) then it's 'don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya'!
The jump to bottle feeding has been a daunting task...at first. Suckin' down, trying not to choke, while fitting some good ole fashioned oxygen in there is tricky, and tires him out like a prize fighter going twelve rounds without a break. Of course, every day is better. Today, he is becoming more alert and anxious to eat. Within' the last 24 hours he took down 5, count 'em, FIVE bottles! And when he finishes one, he continues to root (claw at the air and open his mouth, eagerly hoping something like a breast or a bottle will be shoved in there). It's rather impressive. Even when he's plum tuckered out and we think he can't go any further...with eyes at half mast, he continues indicating: "I can do it, mom, put me back in the ring!"
Still refluxing a bit, but mostly constipated. So, please direct all your Heart Beams towards Clark's colon. Massage it, soften it, encourage it to cooperate. Thank you. Clark's booty, thanks you.
Yeah, not really much to expand on. Like Christy posted earlier, since Clark has been so available (open air bassinet), we've been monopolizing his time like crazy! Holdin' him, lovin' him, kissin' on him! Even fighting over him. There was a point the other day, where I was holding him and Christy wanted to hold him, and I was like, "No, I'm fuckin' holdin' him!" (In my mind) and she was like: "I'll cut you, husband! Give me my boy!" (In her mind)
Though, for Mother's Day, I gave her all the holdin' privileges...and a card. Hee.
That's it for now Chroniclers! If all goes according to plan the next few posts should be rather excitement building!
Could it be Friday!? Saturday? Stay tuned!!!
The jump to bottle feeding has been a daunting task...at first. Suckin' down, trying not to choke, while fitting some good ole fashioned oxygen in there is tricky, and tires him out like a prize fighter going twelve rounds without a break. Of course, every day is better. Today, he is becoming more alert and anxious to eat. Within' the last 24 hours he took down 5, count 'em, FIVE bottles! And when he finishes one, he continues to root (claw at the air and open his mouth, eagerly hoping something like a breast or a bottle will be shoved in there). It's rather impressive. Even when he's plum tuckered out and we think he can't go any further...with eyes at half mast, he continues indicating: "I can do it, mom, put me back in the ring!"
Still refluxing a bit, but mostly constipated. So, please direct all your Heart Beams towards Clark's colon. Massage it, soften it, encourage it to cooperate. Thank you. Clark's booty, thanks you.
Yeah, not really much to expand on. Like Christy posted earlier, since Clark has been so available (open air bassinet), we've been monopolizing his time like crazy! Holdin' him, lovin' him, kissin' on him! Even fighting over him. There was a point the other day, where I was holding him and Christy wanted to hold him, and I was like, "No, I'm fuckin' holdin' him!" (In my mind) and she was like: "I'll cut you, husband! Give me my boy!" (In her mind)
Though, for Mother's Day, I gave her all the holdin' privileges...and a card. Hee.
That's it for now Chroniclers! If all goes according to plan the next few posts should be rather excitement building!
Could it be Friday!? Saturday? Stay tuned!!!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day!!!
A little somethin' special for all youse mothers out there.
Two minutes.
Cute baby.
One bath.
'Cute' enhancing music.
Ultimate adorableness.
Two minutes.
Cute baby.
One bath.
'Cute' enhancing music.
Ultimate adorableness.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Loves of my life
Jason Christopher and Clark Otis Marsden...the loves of my life...I am one blessed girl! Every time I look at them together, my heart gets bigger. Yes, this all didn't turn out the way we wanted...but what in life really does? Your experience is always what you give your attention to. Through this whole whirlwind...we have chosen to give our attention to all the triumphs...all the positive that has come out of this...the level of admiration I have for my husband...the re-connection of so many people in our lives...the amazing community we have around us...the great love filled food we have been fed...the love and the heart beams coming from all over the world....and the love between Jason, Clark and I...our blessings are indeed abundant!
So, yesterday...we got the "get your car seat and house ready" speech...we are so excited....the day is drawing near that we get to take our angel home with us...and finally get to bond with him around the clock...no interruptions...no tests...no leaving him at night and anxiously waiting to see him again the next day. He will be...home...with...us!!!! It might even be next weekend! It will all depend on Clark and how he does with taking his feeds...it is a stamina thing at this point...he gets SO tuckered out. But he will get there in his own time and it won't be long now...
Oh and yes...we plan to continue the blog even after Clark is home to keep everyone updated on his progress!
Check out this face...Clark does it all the time...and it is soooo cute!
So, yesterday...we got the "get your car seat and house ready" speech...we are so excited....the day is drawing near that we get to take our angel home with us...and finally get to bond with him around the clock...no interruptions...no tests...no leaving him at night and anxiously waiting to see him again the next day. He will be...home...with...us!!!! It might even be next weekend! It will all depend on Clark and how he does with taking his feeds...it is a stamina thing at this point...he gets SO tuckered out. But he will get there in his own time and it won't be long now...
Oh and yes...we plan to continue the blog even after Clark is home to keep everyone updated on his progress!
Check out this face...Clark does it all the time...and it is soooo cute!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The countdown...
Clark is 11 weeks old today (well, yesterday by the time I am actually getting around to posting this). So we are blogging less because now instead of having to wait to touch him every 3 hours as we used to due to over-stimulation, temperature maintenance, instability, etc., we are hands on all day...feeding him, talking turns holding him, changing him - and trying to eat in between and then of course-the pumping-always the pumping...
Each day is getting one day closer to our sweet little son's homecoming...each day is getting harder and harder to leave him behind...each day he is getting stronger...each day we all fall in love even more.
Some days are easy peasy...others are heart wrenching...yesterday was the latter for me...and boy oh boy did I have me a honest to goodness wailing session as Jason rubbed my back and just let me get it out...and then I picked myself up...and started over again...feeling released from what was inside of me and ready to face the day...
Clark is now 5lbs 5 oz. He is figuring out the whole suck, swallow and breath thing and we are so proud of him. He is trying so hard and just keeps going even when we think he is done. Poor thing...he gets so exhausted. But he is a fighter as he has proven over the past 11 weeks. We are amazed by him.
We took the required CPR course for babies on Monday. The nurses are starting to talk to us about discharge stuff and it just tickles us silly. The time is drawing near...we are hoping just a couple more weeks or less!
Check out his paw print fatigues...
Each day is getting one day closer to our sweet little son's homecoming...each day is getting harder and harder to leave him behind...each day he is getting stronger...each day we all fall in love even more.
Some days are easy peasy...others are heart wrenching...yesterday was the latter for me...and boy oh boy did I have me a honest to goodness wailing session as Jason rubbed my back and just let me get it out...and then I picked myself up...and started over again...feeling released from what was inside of me and ready to face the day...
Clark is now 5lbs 5 oz. He is figuring out the whole suck, swallow and breath thing and we are so proud of him. He is trying so hard and just keeps going even when we think he is done. Poor thing...he gets so exhausted. But he is a fighter as he has proven over the past 11 weeks. We are amazed by him.
We took the required CPR course for babies on Monday. The nurses are starting to talk to us about discharge stuff and it just tickles us silly. The time is drawing near...we are hoping just a couple more weeks or less!
Check out his paw print fatigues...
Monday, May 3, 2010
Another Lesson from Clark
"Lesson?"
More like pride and explosive admiration.
As you know and have seen, Chronicle'rs, Clark has been bottle feeding. It's a near daunting task for a preemie to suck, swallow, and breathe. The mere effort is equivalent to bench pressing a couch. The task, the NICU puts upon the preemies, is to successfully suck down 8 bottle feeds, consisting of 40ccs (or more) a day. Clark attempts 4 bottles and if he's really lucky, he'll take some from mommy's breast as well. Sometimes he doesn't finish 40ccs and will tire out, the Nurses inputting the remaining feed via his gavage (nostril tube).
Now, when we first were introduced to bottle feeding Clark, or PO (Per Oral), we were instructed by a physical therapist, who demonstrated on Clark while we watched. The therapist would normally do this first before turning the baby over to the parents. Why? Is it that hard to bottle feed a baby? Seems so easy. Well, yes and no. There are things to look out for, signals, signs that he might be taking too much without breathing, tiring out too fast, and the like. I felt territorial about this at first, but came to my senses. Especially after feeding Clark for the first time myself. As with anything new, there's a learning curve.
Today, we learned that even though Clark appears tired and listless, he can certainly pound 40ccs of breast-milk, even in a near comatose state. As Christy was feeding him, he faded out into an exhaustive slumber. She figured he was done, unwilling to take more. After asking assistance from today's nurse, we realized that we have to, not force, but 'firmly suggest' that Clark continue. By simply reintroducing the bottle to Clark's, pressing the nipple against the roof of his mouth, thus 'stimulating' him to feed more. It worked like a charm and Clark, with purchase, continued to suck down nearly his entire feed!
Watching him do this, it was obvious he was workin'! I mean WORK-IN'! As if he knew what he had to do to get him that one extra step closer to the exit. It was humbling, fascinating! I was tired just watching. He would suck suck suck, swallow, then take many heaving breaths, as if he was lifting a large piece of furniture up the stairs, then stopping for...well, a 'breather'. I immediately flashed to times in my life where I was so exhausted and wanted to give up (and most often did), then thought of how many times in the future I will be confronted again. When that happens I will remember Clark, plodding on with ferocity, doing what he needed to do...for himself. For us. For you.
Clark, you're my friggin' hero!
Now, here's some cute pics of you dealing with reflux that will hopefully bring you back down to Earth,
Love, Dad
More like pride and explosive admiration.
As you know and have seen, Chronicle'rs, Clark has been bottle feeding. It's a near daunting task for a preemie to suck, swallow, and breathe. The mere effort is equivalent to bench pressing a couch. The task, the NICU puts upon the preemies, is to successfully suck down 8 bottle feeds, consisting of 40ccs (or more) a day. Clark attempts 4 bottles and if he's really lucky, he'll take some from mommy's breast as well. Sometimes he doesn't finish 40ccs and will tire out, the Nurses inputting the remaining feed via his gavage (nostril tube).
Now, when we first were introduced to bottle feeding Clark, or PO (Per Oral), we were instructed by a physical therapist, who demonstrated on Clark while we watched. The therapist would normally do this first before turning the baby over to the parents. Why? Is it that hard to bottle feed a baby? Seems so easy. Well, yes and no. There are things to look out for, signals, signs that he might be taking too much without breathing, tiring out too fast, and the like. I felt territorial about this at first, but came to my senses. Especially after feeding Clark for the first time myself. As with anything new, there's a learning curve.
Today, we learned that even though Clark appears tired and listless, he can certainly pound 40ccs of breast-milk, even in a near comatose state. As Christy was feeding him, he faded out into an exhaustive slumber. She figured he was done, unwilling to take more. After asking assistance from today's nurse, we realized that we have to, not force, but 'firmly suggest' that Clark continue. By simply reintroducing the bottle to Clark's, pressing the nipple against the roof of his mouth, thus 'stimulating' him to feed more. It worked like a charm and Clark, with purchase, continued to suck down nearly his entire feed!
Watching him do this, it was obvious he was workin'! I mean WORK-IN'! As if he knew what he had to do to get him that one extra step closer to the exit. It was humbling, fascinating! I was tired just watching. He would suck suck suck, swallow, then take many heaving breaths, as if he was lifting a large piece of furniture up the stairs, then stopping for...well, a 'breather'. I immediately flashed to times in my life where I was so exhausted and wanted to give up (and most often did), then thought of how many times in the future I will be confronted again. When that happens I will remember Clark, plodding on with ferocity, doing what he needed to do...for himself. For us. For you.
Clark, you're my friggin' hero!
Now, here's some cute pics of you dealing with reflux that will hopefully bring you back down to Earth,
Love, Dad
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Step right up...read all about it!
Clark Otis Marsden is officially 5 pounds! We are here now, taking turns holding him. We got here at 5pm and he has not been back in his crib yet...it's 9:30pm. Daddy has him now....check it out.
May...Already?
Wow. Since Thursday, Feb 11, I have driven from Sun Valley, through Burbank, over Cahuenga to Melrose, left on San Vicente, right on Beverly, left on George Burns Drive and left into Cedar Sinai parking garage #1...mezzanine level...every day.
Once in the parking garage, depending on the hustle bustle time of day, I'll wait anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes for a parking spot. No big. Got it down to a science, I did. Even became pals with the Parking Valet Staff who are quick to point out who's leaving so I can place myself next to the space, blinker on, indicating 'reserved'!
From wherever I end up, there's a short walk to the elevators. Press floor 4, and up I go to the NICU. Sign in, grab my official 'Parent' badge, walk through the automatic doors, down a corridor and through two more sets of automatic doors, wash my hands at the large stainless steel basin (reserved just for parents), then make my way towards the bright, happy, clouds-parted, rainbow beamed covered face of my little boy!
Every day, for the past ten weeks and five days...not counting the extra six days spent on floor three where we thought Christy would, well, still be if Clark decided to wait until his projected due date...this is our routine.
Yes, we had our ups and downs, but for the most part, Clark just cruised. Looking back at the comparison photos, I forget just how fortunate we are that he is doing as well as he is. Just today, I overheard nurses detailing situations with other babies around us. Some can't digest. Some are not gaining weight. Some had to have a pik line inserted in the scalp. Some will not stool. My heart goes out to all the parents.
Clark is doing so well that I even find myself masking my glee when another parent asks about our situation, feeling a bit guilty. Only cuz I know that during my dark days, I friggin' hated happy parents who's babies were closer to leaving than Clark.
Today, Christy wraps up her teacher training! 18 students have now surpassed 200 hours of her expert tuteledge and are well on their way to becoming teachers themselves. Now, relieved, Christy can focus, 100% on our (above) routine without having to leave early to get home to teach, or get up super early to get to the hospital; knowing she would only have a minimal amount of time to spend with Clark Otis, before...that's right...having to go home and teach.
This morning, I took the super early shift. Around noon, I grabbed some catering to bring home to the celebrating Yoga Blenders, and in a couple of hours, Christy and I will go back to the hospital together.
As of this morning, Clark is still doing great! Still refluxing. A brady here and there. The milk fortifier causes constipation, but no one seems too concerned over that. But when he poops...man, he poops! He feeds from his bottle. He loves his momma's breast. He puts away his required feeds. Four bottles a day. Soon eight. Then, next stop...exit, stage left...destination...HOME!
Now...the only thing we're up against...is time.
Once in the parking garage, depending on the hustle bustle time of day, I'll wait anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes for a parking spot. No big. Got it down to a science, I did. Even became pals with the Parking Valet Staff who are quick to point out who's leaving so I can place myself next to the space, blinker on, indicating 'reserved'!
From wherever I end up, there's a short walk to the elevators. Press floor 4, and up I go to the NICU. Sign in, grab my official 'Parent' badge, walk through the automatic doors, down a corridor and through two more sets of automatic doors, wash my hands at the large stainless steel basin (reserved just for parents), then make my way towards the bright, happy, clouds-parted, rainbow beamed covered face of my little boy!
Every day, for the past ten weeks and five days...not counting the extra six days spent on floor three where we thought Christy would, well, still be if Clark decided to wait until his projected due date...this is our routine.
Yes, we had our ups and downs, but for the most part, Clark just cruised. Looking back at the comparison photos, I forget just how fortunate we are that he is doing as well as he is. Just today, I overheard nurses detailing situations with other babies around us. Some can't digest. Some are not gaining weight. Some had to have a pik line inserted in the scalp. Some will not stool. My heart goes out to all the parents.
Clark is doing so well that I even find myself masking my glee when another parent asks about our situation, feeling a bit guilty. Only cuz I know that during my dark days, I friggin' hated happy parents who's babies were closer to leaving than Clark.
Today, Christy wraps up her teacher training! 18 students have now surpassed 200 hours of her expert tuteledge and are well on their way to becoming teachers themselves. Now, relieved, Christy can focus, 100% on our (above) routine without having to leave early to get home to teach, or get up super early to get to the hospital; knowing she would only have a minimal amount of time to spend with Clark Otis, before...that's right...having to go home and teach.
This morning, I took the super early shift. Around noon, I grabbed some catering to bring home to the celebrating Yoga Blenders, and in a couple of hours, Christy and I will go back to the hospital together.
As of this morning, Clark is still doing great! Still refluxing. A brady here and there. The milk fortifier causes constipation, but no one seems too concerned over that. But when he poops...man, he poops! He feeds from his bottle. He loves his momma's breast. He puts away his required feeds. Four bottles a day. Soon eight. Then, next stop...exit, stage left...destination...HOME!
Now...the only thing we're up against...is time.
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