It has been almost a week since I have posted anything...the reason...'cause I am f'in' tired. I feel like we are running a marathon...a spiritual marathon. Everyone always says "God only gives you what you can handle"...really? Maybe there was a mix up in the filing system. Me? AGAIN? I'm kidding, please don't feel the need to give me some feel good, it's OK post. But seriously...
I have an incredible life, filled with incredible magick...an amazing family, a wonderful upbringing...I love my husband, our baby, our dog, my family, work, friends and students, our home...I guess it makes sense that in order to REALLY appreciate how blessed I am...I need to have challenges, so I can know the difference. My gratitude runs deep...my spirituality is being stretched to its outermost limits and it is challenging and beautiful all at the same time...I am feeling things I have never felt and I have been through and felt a lot! A friend the other day said..."nothing has ever been easy for you, huh?" Nope...I have had to work for every lesson...every growth...every relationship...every bit of health...but that is OK...because evidently, I can handle it...
Gotta share this funny story (although at the time it sucked...I could still see the humor through my tears)...yesterday started out great...breakfast with my girl, Nicole and then I was all set to do a car pump and then go run some errands. Side note: getting anything done outside of sleeping, eating, pumping, driving and visiting Clark is a HUGE accomplishment. Anyhoo...so, I was so prepared and ready to pump on the go and get some stuff done. Well, I tried the portable pump and it didn't work...just knowing that it HAD to be the batteries...I walked next door to a gas station and WAY overpaid for 8 batteries. Plopped them in and NOTHING...the battery pack was dysfunctional...that was all it took to set me off into a full on tantrum...and it wasn't just the fact that I now had to forgo all my errands and go home to pump, putting me to the hospital way later than I wanted...although that did really piss me off...but it was anger about the whole thing...ALL OF IT (again no need for consoling posts...I get it and am over it). I just want to share the power of releasing what's inside rather than holding onto emotions and stuffing them down which is so unhealthy and causes dis-ease and ultimately disease. See, being a yogi doesn't mean that you never feel anger...but rather is it appropriate?...can you express and then let go?...yes you can...and yes, I did. BUT WOW...it was a big one...a full on hissy fit. I was screaming and crying...I was even hoarse most of the day...NOW, that is some serious release. In the middle of it I even giggled a couple of times...because I could see the humor in it...but I just needed to express...and I just kept going and going. I had played a song earlier that morning...and since I had made the decision to just go with my anger and really feel it...I played the song again...The Rolling Stones..."you can't always get what you want...no you can't always get what you want...but if you try some time, you just might find...you get what you need..." How poetic, how true...you can't always get what you want and this is definitely not what I wanted...but I suppose it is what I need...
I was crying and giggling the whole time, it was such an amazing release...and now I am over it...moved on and now I feel great!!!! Baby Clark is doing so good...2 lbs and 8oz...now taking 10cc every 3 hours of my milk...woohoo! I get to hold him every day for 1.5-2 hours...and it is the best medicine...I'm like, "anger, what's that?????"
Are you sure you're not an Aries!!! 2 lbs 8oz fantastic and a regiment of mamas milk...what's better than this XOXOXO
ReplyDeletemy darling- I love you so much- especially when you throw full-on-fists-flying-feet-kicking-biting-screaming-laughing-crying tantrums! Thanks for posting today!
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ReplyDeleteChristy - we all have hissy fits!! They are good for the soul! Clark is doing so well. 2 lbs 8 oz is great news and your milk is the best medicine! You will be able to hold him close more and more. We are all smiling and sending heart beams to you, Clark, and Jason.
ReplyDeleteSo many other people are learning and evolving by your example! Especially when you kick the ass of the all those hard times!
ReplyDeleteMy love, admiration and awe for you cannot be expressed into words so I have to stop typing now.
Since you appreciate the Stones, thought you would appreciate a line from one of my very favorite songs, Scarlet Begonias by the Grateful Dead: "Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right." :)
ReplyDeleteWell Christy, if anybody is entitled to a full on hissy fit, it would be you. I am so glad you got it out of your system and are able to laugh about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd btw, 2 lbs 8 oz!!! Didn't Clark just break the 2 lb mark recently?? Wow, he's getting serious about the weight gain thing.
I still maintain he's gonna be an Olympic weightlifter one day.
Neal
I've always thought that whole, "God never gives you more than you can handle" thing was total bullshit.
ReplyDeleteDear Christy,
ReplyDeleteI hope today is bringing you promise, joy and much needed time with your beautiful son! I ran across your name on Facebook and started to look up or Google you....found your YogaBlend webpage and read your story....and became truly inspired by your chosen path as a yogi.... and I ,never knew what that truly meant, a yogi that is! I also had a glimpse down memory lane and remembered you from Mt. Juliet Jr. High...I was Jana Poore then and just always admired you then for your spirit and all out friendliness.......It is so great to see the amazing woman, mother, wife, and yogi that you have transformed into! I check this blog daily to see how you and Jason and ever importantly how Little (he most certainly will be called BIG very soon) Clark is doing! It sounds like he has both you and your hubbys great spirit, determination and will! You and your family continue to amaze and inspire me! You are all in my prayers daily! And you are right about letting out that frustration it does clear the spirit and free you to welcome that good love and energy back! I have learned in my almost 38 years on this earth.....that you have to let it out! Hey we screamed and cried as babies and as adults we have to just belt it out every now and then! Much love and respect...your old TN buddy from way back Jana Steele AKA Red or Poore Jana! Have a blesseddddddddd day!
Science has proven that hissy fits are good for you. I made that up but they have always helped me, especially when giggles are there too. Here's to skin-on-skin with oodles of heartbeams. Love ya, Barb
ReplyDeleteHey, babe...really...it's okay. No no. Really. It's okay. No. Babe. Really. It's ooookay. You just gotta calm down, cuz it's okay. It's alright. No no. It's. Okay. Okay?
ReplyDeletexo